Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Had a Dream

WASHINGTON - JUNE 19:  U.S. Senate Majority Le...Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Or is it some sort of nightmare?

Or A new law recently submitted in Congress?

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that I lived in a condo development with 10 units.

And I dreamed that according to our condo association rules, the rules said that if a majority of my neighbors signed cards -- then everyone in the neighborhood had to do whatever the majority said.

In my dream, some old guy decided he wanted to make sure everyone was driving cars built by American auto companies, and so he circulated cards stating that everyone should drive a certain kind of car.. an American classic -- albeit a newer one.

So this is what the six out of ten people in my neighborhood who signed cards decided everyone has to drive.

Isn't that great?

But even under mandatory majority rule, not everyone agreed they should have to drive a specific year of that car.

So we negotiated for like three months and then we brought in a professional mediator, but we couldn't work out the particulars and we never reached a deal.

So the dispute was sent to a panel of arbitrators that were appointed by some government agency - all of these dudes lived in California - and they issued an unappealable ruling that because those neighbors of mine had signed these cards, we all had to drive pink Cadillacs -- but they didn't really understand the neighborhood or why we cared what year the cars were -- so they never issued any clarification on what year those caddies should be.

So now - everyone in my condo association is a member of the Pink Cadillac Club and we all drive pink caddies. I don't like mine, but what can I do. My neighbors all signed those stupid cards!

Here are the other cars that my neighbors now have parked in our neighborhood car ports.

Here is the car the young couple who moved in next door had to buy with the gift money from their wedding.

And even though I had to buy a Pink Cadillac, I am concerned about the impact on the environment, so I have put my cars in storage, and am taking the bus. Here is my what I did with my dream ride!

But that isn't the scariest part of the dream. I also dreamt that Mikhail Baryshnikov moved into my neighborhood and that he was passing cards around as well -- something to do with what kind of clothes he thought everybody should wear.

It's only a dream, right?
God, I hope so...

Now some folks say it's too big
And uses too much gas
Some folks say it's too old
And that it goes too fast
But my love is bigger than a Honda
It's bigger than a Subaru
Hey man there's only one thing
And one car that will do
Anyway we don't have to drive it
Honey we can park it out in back
And have a party in your pink Cadillac

-- Bruce Springsteen

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